Harrison: A transgender man's journey

Harrison: A transgender man's journey

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For Harrison Massie, transitioning from female to male was never about trading one gender for another.

Seven years ago, Harrison, now 29, started his journey "to feel more like myself."

. St. Louis, United States. Reuters/Sara Swaty
. St. Louis, United States. Reuters/Sara Swaty

Left: Harrison, 22, poses for a photograph in the shower at his mother's apartment.
Right: Harrison, 22, poses with Heaven. "Heaven and I had a very brief relationship, which was always more of a friendship, we went through some very hard times together."

"I’m not embarrassed to say that I was ever a woman," said Harrison, who lives in St. Louis, Missouri. "Ultimately it’s a part of who I am and how I was raised, and I love having the perspective of both genders."

But Harrison said he longed to feel more comfortable in his own body and wanted to have certain masculine features such as a flat chest.

. St. Louis, United States. Reuters/Sara Swaty
Harrison, 21, poses for a photograph in 2011.

As he embarked on his journey, Sara Swaty, a young photographer and friend, set off to capture it, frame by frame, year after year.

"In my previous work, I had never had the opportunity to connect with anyone so deeply and document their transition from the very beginning," said Swaty, who first met Harrison as a teenager in high school.

. St. Louis, United States. Reuters/Sara Swaty
. St. Louis, United States. Reuters/Sara Swaty

Left: Harrison, aged 22. "At my private school, I was the 'pretty girl' who 'fell in with the wrong crowd.'"
Right: Harrison, 22, poses for a photograph in 2012.

"I always approached photo shoots with clear concepts and ideas of what I wanted the images to look like," she said. "But with Harrison, I was ... following his lead, and did my best to capture him as he felt, not as how I saw him."

Rejection from family and relatives is common for many trans people, but that was not the case for Harrison who always had the support of his loved ones.

. St. Louis, United States. Reuters/Sara Swaty
Testosterone, a needle and alcohol swab that belong to Harrison.

In a 2016 study published in the journal LGBT Health, 31 percent of transgender individuals surveyed said they experienced a moderate amount of rejection from their families and 14 percent said they experienced a high amount of rejection.

A recent U.S. study found that roughly half of transgender male teens have attempted suicide at least once.

. St. Louis, United States. Reuters/Sara Swaty
Harrison, 28, and his father Robbin. "My dad has always been my person, I fully believe I get my strangeness and my weirdness from him."

"Harrison's been my soulmate, my companion," said his father Robbin, a retired teacher in his sixties. "He said he was transitioning and wanted to become a boy and I was fine with that."

Harrison’s mother Stephanie said it was really hard at first to process her son’s decision to transition. "It was like the death of that child."

. St. Louis, United States. Reuters/Sara Swaty
. St. Louis, United States. Reuters/Sara Swaty

Left: Harrison, 25, poses on his car. "Growing up in Saint Louis shaped me as a human... It's truly my home."
Right: Harrison, 25, poses for a photograph at his home in 2015.

With time though, she realised that he was still the same person and their relationship never wavered. "He’s still the baby, still the light of the room."

"I knew this was what he wanted to do and I knew it would make him so much happier, and it has so much," said Harrison’s oldest sister Jasa. "I am very proud of him, and the man he has become."

. St. Louis, United States. Reuters/Sara Swaty
Harrison, 28, and Sandra embrace at their home in 2018.

Harrison and his fiancée Sandra Manzoni, 29, a fellow bartender and an air acrobatics performer who he met two years ago have recently bought a house in St. Louis.

Harrison recounted how nervous he was when he first asked Manzoni out, telling a friend how he couldn't breathe around her. Now, a year after their engagement, "I’ve learned how to breathe with her in the house," Harrison said jokingly.

. St. Louis, United States. Reuters/Sara Swaty
Harrison, 26, talks with Mackenzie and Elle in Elle's apartment in 2015.

Harrison's tight-knit group of friends were hardly surprised by his decision to transition. They were taking cues from things he would say or do and, in a way, they saw it coming.

"When he came out as trans, we sort of looked at each other and went 'Duh'," said George Caputa, one of his closest friends who now lives in Germany.

"When you truly love and support one who is trans, their gender identity has little to do with what you love about them."

. St. Louis, United States. Reuters/Sara Swaty
. St. Louis, United States. Reuters/Sara Swaty

Left: George gives a testosterone shot to 22-year-old Harrison. "George and I have been friends now for 12 years, I've never felt exposed in front of him… we're chosen family and always have been."
Right: Harrison, 21, poses for a photograph while looking out the window in 2011.

As Harrison started his hormone therapy, the group met for the first months of injections, in celebration and to help him get comfortable with the process.

"Spending time with such a beautiful group of people and feeling the love they share with each other is incredibly uplifting," said Swaty.

. St. Louis, United States. Reuters/Sara Swaty
Harrison, 27, gives himself a testosterone shot in his bedroom in 2017. "When I first started it was painful and scary because I've never liked needles or shots, but you just get used to it. It's everyday life now."

But Harrison also has faced many challenges.

"When I first started transitioning I couldn't find a job for the life of me," he recalled. "Anytime I tried to explain to an interviewer that my deadname (name prior to transition) wasn't the name I went by, they just got confused and wouldn’t hire me.”

Eventually, Harrison found a home in craft bartending where he said he can express himself and finally be appreciated.

Healthcare was also among his biggest concerns. With patchy coverage, getting access to testosterone at an affordable price was often hard and he ended up paying for much of it out of pocket. He says he had to shell out roughly $110 every month for seven years, more than $9,000 in total.

. St. Louis, United States. Reuters/Sara Swaty
Harrison, 27, serves a cocktail as he works at Planter's House in 2017.

Lack of health insurance remains a big concern for Harrison, who runs a bar in St. Louis, and a big hurdle to his getting top surgery, a procedure that includes the surgical removal of breasts and chest reconstruction that can cost several thousand dollars.

Encouraged by friends and eager to put an end to the physical pain caused by years of wearing a tight binder around his chest, Harrison recently started a "GoFundMe.com" page to raise enough money for his top surgery.

"I've always felt like surgery was always out of reach due to the price tag, which is why it's taken me 7 years to ask," he wrote on the web page. "So this is my current journey, please help me feel better, not only about my pain, but my self esteem.”

. St. Louis, United States. Reuters/Sara Swaty
Harrison, 27, and Sandra joke around in their backyard in 2017.

So far, Harrison has raised $8,330 surpassing his goal of $8,000.

Over these seven years, Harrison went from being the "pretty girl" in school to becoming his true self, growing a "beautiful red beard" and getting close to finally be able to swim in public.

"It’s beyond luck, karma, blessed, whatever you believe in," he said. "I honestly never thought I would get to this point in my life."

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Slideshow

Harrison, 21, poses for a photograph behind a window curtain on the day before his birthday in 2011.
. St. Louis, United States. Reuters/Sara Swaty

Harrison, 21, poses for a photograph behind a window curtain on the day before his birthday in 2011.

Harrison, 21, smiles as Reeny prepares his testosterone shot on the day before his birthday in 2011. Harrison's friends helped with the testosterone shots, "I was very afraid of needles at the time, and I couldn't afford to go to the doctor every time I needed a shot."
. St. Louis, United States. Reuters/Sara Swaty

Harrison, 21, smiles as Reeny prepares his testosterone shot on the day before his birthday in 2011. Harrison's friends helped with the testosterone shots, "I was very afraid of needles at the time, and I couldn't afford to go to the doctor every time I needed a shot."

Harrison, aged 22. "I started shaving before any hair had shown itself, because I wanted more to grow. Shaving is a wonderful feeling until you start actually growing hair, then it's painful and you break out (at least in my experience), but I've always wanted a beard."
. St. Louis, United States. Reuters/Sara Swaty

Harrison, aged 22. "I started shaving before any hair had shown itself, because I wanted more to grow. Shaving is a wonderful feeling until you start actually growing hair, then it's painful and you break out (at least in my experience), but I've always wanted a beard."

Harrison wears a binder every day. "Binders flatten your chest... After seven years of binding I'm having back, shoulder, collar bone, and sternum issues... I'm very much looking forward to top surgery in the spring."
. St. Louis, United States. Reuters/Sara Swaty

Harrison wears a binder every day. "Binders flatten your chest... After seven years of binding I'm having back, shoulder, collar bone, and sternum issues... I'm very much looking forward to top surgery in the spring."

Harrison, 24, and Heaven pose for a photograph in 2013.
. St. Louis, United States. Reuters/Sara Swaty

Harrison, 24, and Heaven pose for a photograph in 2013.

Harrison, 25, shaves his beard in 2015. "Wanting a beard was one of my first ways of letting my friends know I was going to transition. Now, I have a beautiful red beard that I am very proud of."
. St. Louis, United States. Reuters/Sara Swaty

Harrison, 25, shaves his beard in 2015. "Wanting a beard was one of my first ways of letting my friends know I was going to transition. Now, I have a beautiful red beard that I am very proud of."

Harrison, 25, eats breakfast with his cat in 2015.
. St. Louis, United States. Reuters/Sara Swaty

Harrison, 25, eats breakfast with his cat in 2015.

Harrison, 26, walks along his street before sunset in 2016.
. St. Louis, United States. Reuters/Sara Swaty

Harrison, 26, walks along his street before sunset in 2016.

Harrison, 26, ties his shoes in his home in 2016.
. St. Louis, United States. Reuters/Sara Swaty

Harrison, 26, ties his shoes in his home in 2016.

Harrison, 27, shaves Sandra's head in their bathroom in 2017. "Sandra is the dream. I never thought I could actually have Sandra - she is everything I've always hoped for in a partner."
. St. Louis, United States. Reuters/Sara Swaty

Harrison, 27, shaves Sandra's head in their bathroom in 2017. "Sandra is the dream. I never thought I could actually have Sandra - she is everything I've always hoped for in a partner."

Harrison, 27, and Sandra embrace at a Pride party at Casa Loma Ballroom in 2017. "It's the rarest of the rare, and the most healthy relationship I could ever hope for. We're not just partners, we're best friends. Sandra is my everything."
. St. Louis, United States. Reuters/Sara Swaty

Harrison, 27, and Sandra embrace at a Pride party at Casa Loma Ballroom in 2017. "It's the rarest of the rare, and the most healthy relationship I could ever hope for. We're not just partners, we're best friends. Sandra is my everything."